my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
