Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
