I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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