shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
