no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
