If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
