LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
