The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
