I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
