I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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