Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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