A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
