I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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