you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
