hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
