It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
