I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
