even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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