Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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