The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
