man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
