I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
