I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
