I'm lost and stupid without you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
