I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
