Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
