When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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