Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
