My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
