Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they need to just BURY HIM!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
