He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
