I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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