ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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