By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
