I puked a lego.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
