i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
