Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
