I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
