every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
