I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
