My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize