i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
