he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
