Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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