Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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