No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh god the rape fog is back!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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