There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
