just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
