you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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