god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
