Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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