well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
