my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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