I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
