my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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