I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
