and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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