Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
