Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
