Betty ford says i'm here all night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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