did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize