we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
