I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
