I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
