I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
