He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
