I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
