So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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