Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
