K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
