You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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