Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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