you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm like, not good at living.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
