So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
