The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
