Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
