you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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