he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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