I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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