Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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