Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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