the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
