I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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