At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
