I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
