whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
