Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
