When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
