i'm lost and i look like a hooker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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