The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
