She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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