Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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