"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
